I wasn’t ready for it – are you?

I may not be the smartest or most talented person at the table but I earn my keep with an Energizer Bunny, get ‘r done attitude, regardless the cost. Long before a smart phone tethered me, I happily gave my work extra time, extra energy, extra everything. The learning and the doing sustained me, buoyed me up, reminded me of all the amazing things yet to do in the world.

And yet, I’ve never thought of myself as a workaholic because I selfishly believe that what I do might actually make a positive difference in the world, in other people’s lives too. Just maybe my hard work makes their jobs easier, more interesting and, possibly, more fulfilling too. Pretty sweet, right?

I’ve always considered myself as blessed to honestly and truly love my job. Many are not so lucky.

But burnout is a tricky thing. It sneaks up on you and slowly dims the lights, quietly draining the reservoir of energy you thought was endless. It’s subversive and dark, gradually souring things that once brought you joy. You try to ignore it – push it down – because giving credence to it gives rise to churlish frustration. How could you be burnt out when your life is overflowing with blessings?

Suddenly you’re in a meeting and all you want to do is punch the person across from you because you know he’s only talking to hear his own voice, which he loves but is beginning to sound like nails scraping across a chalkboard.

And yeah, punching him seems like the logical next step…

What I’m calling burnout, a doctor might call depression, your neighbor might call it going postal. It’s the same thing. It doesn’t discriminate who it stalks. It’s silent. It’s subversive. And it’s almost impossible for others – for you or me – to see it happening to someone else.

A few years ago, an employee asked to speak privately. Minutes into our conversation he was crying. He knew it was happening, he said, recognized all the signs steering him down that ugly, well-worn path. But this time he had believed he’d turn it around before he reached the murky, oppressive – and yes, familiar – blackness at the end. He’d change course in time. He was going to overcome it. By ignoring it. But now he was back on his meds and he had wanted me to know. And understand. I asked him why – how – it  had happened and he shrugged. My life is great, he said, I don’t have any reason to be depressed. He shook his head, wiped his eyes and smiled, I’m going to be fine.

But if you’ve ever suffered from depression – or even the blues – “I’m fine” is subjective.

And maybe that’s the dark, ugly root of burnout, like a wart on a beautiful hand. We can’t acknowledge it’s presence because that would be admitting – accepting – weakness. Giving ourselves permission to be sad is giving into the symptoms of our own foolishness.

But sometimes we are weak, frail, broken, needing time to heal. We’re human so how could we be anything but everything that is human, which is sometimes weak, sometimes strong. Maybe recognizing we’re not perfect, not energizer bunnies, not able to finish the damn marathon is where our strength lives. For someone who’s always been the strong one, the one that ran harder and faster – as much for myself as for others – accepting my human weakness has been one of the hardest lessons of my life. That and accepting I’m going to get old and die, just like everyone else. But that’s another essay…

Sacrifice & success are siblings, but the first doesn’t necessarily guarantee the second

I’m never going to stop signing up for the next race, reaching for the next prize but I’ve learned to compromise. To submit to my need to slow down, take a breath, regroup and reset the compass. To honor my frailty as much as my strength.

If you’re struggling with burnout, you might find your own truth in my hard lessons.

1. Stop blaming yourself. Your mental health isn’t a zero sum game and pushing back on the stress and demands of your life may give your brain the permission it needs to let you breathe. Instead of focusing on all the must do’s and should do’s, focus on what you can do, step by step, or as Anne Lammott says, bird by bird, buddy, bird by bird.

2. Honor your wants. In the entire history of mankind, telling someone to “lighten up” or “stop worrying” has never once reduced stress. But maybe giving into a few wants will help you get there – to that lower, easier-to-manage stress zone. I’m a secret knit-a-holic and when the world gets too crazy for me, nothing centers me like an hour of knitting, and stitch by repetitive, freaking boring stitch, I can feel stress dissipating.

3. Force yourself healthy. If eating a rainbow diet or exercising aren’t in your DNA, start with one extra serving of veggies or parking your car a little further away from the door. When I exercise regularly, my muscles remind me that it feels good to be healthy, to be powering my own way through the world. When I don’t exercise, it can feel like a transatlantic flight to get myself back to that in-control, feel-good state. I get it – none of this is easy.
   

4. Stop the time leaks. Binge watching your favorite show on Netflix might feel like stress relief but it’s not. Same with mindless scrolling through social media. Trust me on this one, your brain atrophies on a digital diet. Of all the amazing things you’ll do in your life, none of them will take place on social media first.
   

5. You can survive 3 days without water, 11 days without sleep and approx. 1 month without food. There’s a reason the sleeping pill industry has mushroomed in the past decade – sleep is one of the pillars of life. When you get enough sleep, you’ll find yourself more focused, levelheaded and patient – not to mention happier too.

6. Find your happy on the inside. You might love your job but don’t fool yourself into believing that an expensive car or big house is your motivation. You might want and enjoy those things but understand that an accumulation of wealth will never be the root of your happiness. In the end, it’s only money and it’s probably not what you want to be known for when you’re gone.

7. Compare yourself only to yourself. If you listen to the inner voice that always says you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, whatever enough, you’re going to miss the one that’s cheering you on. The one that knows how much you’ve grown and matured. Your path may not be a straight line and you may need a do-over on some lessons but when you measure yourself against your own yardstick, you’ll always come up at exactly the right spot. Which is exactly where you need to be, right?